


Stay By My Side

by Upthelarryass



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Blind Harry, Blindfolds, Brain Cancer, Brain Surgery, Brain tumor, Crying, Fluff, M/M, Some Bondage, Surgery, Tumor, facial numbness, harry can't talk for a tiny bit, hes not blind for too long, i did a bit of research though, i hope this is good, probably a lot of inaccuracies, there's smut too, well it's not really cancer i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-06
Updated: 2015-07-18
Packaged: 2018-04-07 21:50:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4279194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Upthelarryass/pseuds/Upthelarryass
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Harry's skin began to tingle as he visibly tensed. On the screen was a collage of photos of Louis and Harry, some were real, some were fake, but all of them showed the two boys being extremely close and intimate. Until they didn't. Harry wasn't sure what had happened, but there was a twinge of pain in his head, before the entire room went pitch black, as if a light switch had been flicked off. </p><p>"I don't know, I - I can't see." Harry says, and while he can hear the interviewer make a noise that feels a bit between a scoff and a laugh, and he can sense how tense the rest of the boys and their crew are at his comment that probably made it seem like he just sucks at lying, which he does, Harry genuinely cannot see."</p><p>Or, Harry has a brain tumor that causes him to go blind at a very unfortunate time (although no time is a good time to lose your vision), and Louis will fight every obstacle to be with his boy every step of the way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

It was a Wednesday that Harry's life went to shit. He woke up, still exhausted from the three rounds of great sex the night before, and with a headache, as he always seemed to have nowadays, pounding right between his eyes. 

"Lou," he croaks, throat still a bit sore from the previous day's..... activities. He turns off the alarm and gently runs his fingers through the older boys feathery hair, where he is laying comfortably on Harry's chest. "We have to get up baby."

The small boy groans, rubbing his face into Harry's chest, breathing him in. "Don't wanna." Harry brings his hands down, tickling the sides of Louis' ribs and being blessed with the melodic giggles that come from his mouth. Louis ankles squeeze where they are tangled with Harry's as he squeals delightedly. He looks up with a sleepy, crinkly eyed smile, presses a kiss to the empty spot between the two sparrows on Harry's chest, and rolls off of him onto the large mattress. It's cold, considering they can't even stand sleeping when they aren't touching in as many ways possible. It's disgusting, really, how much they rely on each other. 

Louis stretches with some more soft groans and kitten noises, before he saunters into the kitchen to make some tea. Harry gets up after him, takes a wee, and swallows a couple of ibuprofen, still frustrated that this damn headache hasn't gone away, having been residing and growing stronger for a long while ever since the work that the band required kept increasing and responsibilities fell heavier. He's been watching what he eats, drinking water, exercising, trying to keep himself as healthy as possible, but it's still there. 

He makes his way into the kitchen, pressing a kiss to the top of his tiny boyfriends head before taking his tea, then sets to work on his master piece of the morning. He decides on pancakes, and it only takes a few minutes for Harry to whip up the recipe he's had memorized for so long, remembering of course to add a bit of almond extract, his secret ingredient. 

They're made quickly, and he sets them out for Louis, gobbles down some of his own, before he goes and gets dressed. Louis gently pinches his hip as he exits, dressed now in his usual black skinny jeans and a soft, thin, grey jumper. It's March, so things are still a little chilly out. 

Harry appreciates that Louis doesn't talk that much in the mornings, knowing that is when his headaches are the worst. The rest of the day, he's usually on some kind of pain medication or another, and he knows he should get it checked out before all the ibuprofen destroys his liver or something. 

Harry enters the kitchen ten minutes later, teeth brushed, hair sorted out, and dressed also in black skinnies, as well as a creamy silk button down, the sleeves rolled up and the top four buttons undone. He washes the plate that Louis had just cleared off as well as his own, while Louis brushes his teeth and fixes his fringe one last time. 

"Ready to go?" Harry asks while pulling on some brown boots when Louis comes out of the bathroom. 

"Mhm," he slips on his sneakers then looks up at Harry, wrapping his hands around his waist, rubbing gentle circles in his back under the shirt. "You feeling okay?" He asks softly after Harry gave him a gentle kiss. 

"Headache as usual," he sighs, and Louis pulls his arms out and takes Harry's head gently in his hands, and plants a soft kiss between his furrowed eyebrows, where he knows it hurts his boy. "That's better." Harry sighs with a smile, pulling Louis in for another real kiss. They snog sleepily for another minute or so, before Niall comes bursting through the door with his usual grin. 

"Mornin' love birds, ready to go?" His Irish accent sings, as he prances past them and grabs the remaining pancakes before shoving one in his mouth with his hand. 

Harry winces slightly before snatching up the keys from their little bowl on the counter. "Yep." 

"Let's bounce!" The lad cheers, taking off down the hall, and Harry doesn't know if he means actual bouncing, or if he's using that in replacement of 'let's go'. So he shrugs, takes Louis' hand in his, and follows the blonde boy. 

When they get to the back entrance of the building, Harry swallows hard, presses his lips to Louis' for a firm kiss, his eyes squeezed shut in agony, and drops his hand reluctantly as he's led out the door the the awaiting van, Niall already inside. 

Louis watches his retreating form, shoulders slumped, and he sighs because he knows Harry absolutely hates it, not being able to be out. He knows that letting go of Louis' hand is one of the hardest things Harry does each day. Louis can always feel the pang in Harry's heart and the hurt in his eyes when he gives him a final, hard kiss, trying to pour his love into it, trying to remind himself and Louis that it'll be okay, and that it'll all be worth it someday. 

A minute later his van pulls up, with Zayn and Liam waiting for him. He slides in and gives them both a weary smile. "Ready for more interviews, boys?" 

They sigh collectively. They did about ten interview yesterday, and are doing four more today. Their managers decided to pack in as many as they could to sort of kick off the start of their 'On The Road Again' tour, which would begin in two weeks. 

It doesn't take long for the van to arrive at the building, and their guards help to push the boys through the crowd of various fans and paparazzi.

Finally, they get inside. They're led to a large couch, where they are arranged in order of Niall, Louis, Zayn, Liam, and then Harry. Obviously the two aren't together, because oh what a scandal that would cause; two boys sitting next to each other. The horrors. 

Louis is only mildly annoyed when the first interview is over. He knows they try hard, but Jesus Christ, all the questions are the same. 

Harry is just bored, distracted slightly by the fact that his headache is a bit worse than it usually is this time of day. 

They get a five minute break, but with a bit of bargaining Louis gets them to change it to ten. He takes Harry's hand in his and drags him to the bathrooms that they had discovered yesterday, and Louis jumps up into the counter, always loving being taller than Harry for a little bit. Harry locks the door and fits himself between Louis' thighs, tipping his chin up to capture Louis' lips in his own. 

"How are you, love?" Louis says quietly, pecking tiny kisses along Harry's perfect jawline. 

"M' head hurts a little more than it usually does," he gasps slightly, body going pliant as Louis sucks gently right below his ear, directly behind the end of his jaw where he knows it drives Harry crazy. He pulls away upon hearing this, giving Harry a sad frown. 

"Love, that's not good. Not good at all." He says, kissing between his eyes gently between the two sentences. 

"I'm gonna see the doc towards the end of this week I think. Saturday maybe?" He giggles slightly when Louis starts peppering kisses all over his face, then gasps when Louis reaches up his shirt and gently tugs at his nipples. Louis fits his mouth to Harry's, crossing his ankles behind Harry's back and pulling him closer to him. 

"Boys?" There's a knock on the door and the familiar voice of Lou, their stylist, calling out. "I know you're in here, you better not have ruined your hair or given me even more love bites to cover up." She scolds lightly. Harry plants another kiss to Louis' lips before walking over to the door and pulling it open. 

"All good?" He asks, gesturing to his hair. 

"They need you back and ready in two minutes, get out of there you salts." She shoos them out, rolling her eyes and smiling teasingly. 

They take their seats again, this time joined by a curvy brunette, who greets them all before sitting in her chair. She has a laptop with her, one that probably has all of her questions written down. The thing about these interviews, is that there is no live audience and the interviewers all have signed thorough NDA's, so they can pretty much ask whatever they want, and the crew can cut out whatever bits that they don't like. However, they still stressed to all the boys, that just to be safe, they needed to deny any and all gay/Larry accusations. 

The interview starts off fine, mostly just the same questions with occasional slightly-more-original-but still-not-very-clever ones thrown in the mix. 

Now Harry," the interviewer asks, turning to him and holding the laptop out to him. "What can you tell me about these pictures?" 

Harry's skin began to tingle as he visibly tensed. On the screen was a collage of photos of Louis and Harry, some were real, some were fake, but all of them showed the two boys being extremely close and intimate. Until they didn't. Harry wasn't sure what had happened, but there was a twinge of pain in his head, before the entire room went pitch black, as if a light switch had been flicked off. 

"I don't know, I - I can't see." Harry says, a little baffled, and while he can hear the interviewer make a noise that sounds a bit between a scoff and a laugh, and he can sense how tense the rest of the boys and their crew are at his comment that probably made it seem like he just sucks at lying, which he does, Harry genuinely cannot see. 

"Very funny Harry." The brunette titters from somewhere to his left. "Now tell me,"

"No, I genuinely cannot see." He interrupts, panic lacing it's way into his words as he realizes, why the fuck can't he see anything? He reaches out blindly for Louis, although people don't have to know that. 

"Harry," Liam says quietly to his right, his voice heavy with warning. 

"I - I can't" the younger boy starts to panic then, scrambling at his eyes, rubbing them hard with his fingers, then pulling them wide open and trying desperately to get a glimpse of the world again. "Lou," he whimpers quietly, tears beginning to fall down his cheeks as he begins to panic. 

"Alright Harry, a word," he hears the voice of one of their managers, the one who controls rumors and images, the one who makes final decisions on beards and keeping them closeted. A strong hand grips his arm and pulls him up, leading him off stage. Harry can't fucking see anything of course, so he's kind of expecting it when he falls flat on his face. 

"St-stop!" He gasps out, feeling the floor around him. While having lost one, the rest of his senses heighten. He can actually feel Louis' concern, and his eyes on him. "I can't - I ca-" and that's all he's getting out before his words fail him and his skull blooms with a sudden pain, the same spot he's been getting all of his headaches, although this pain is much worse than a headache. 

He doesn't realize he's been screaming until he can feel someone at his side, and before he's heard him or smelt him he just knows it's his Louis. "Love, Harry," Louis voice cracks slightly, sounding a bit panicky as he pulls Harry's hands down from where they're clasped around his skull. Louis looks into Harry's eyes and he knows immediately he's telling the truth. They're not physically empty, but Louis can feel the emptiness. He can feel the desperateness as Harry searches for him, but cannot find him. It brings tears to his own eyes, but Harry probably needs him to be strong, now more than ever. "Baby, it's going to be okay." He coos softly, running a hand gently through Harry's hair. 

The younger lad is full on crying now, flinching at every unseen touch and shaking from head to toe. Louis knows every inch of Harry. He knows what to do when he's sick, angry, sad, and Louis thanks every potential God out there that he knows how to calm his boyfriend down. He's had a few panic attacks before, so Louis had to learn how to help. 

He gently grabs Harry's ankles, softly telling him that "It's just me, love, it's just me," and stretching Harry out until he's laying flat on his back. Louis straddles him then, running his hands up and down the boys quaking chest before pressing his upper body to Harry's, as tightly as he could. He wraps his arms around Harry, clinging to him like a koala while pressing his head into the younger boys neck, throwing all fucks out the window and quietly chanting a collection of "I'm right here baby", "it's okay", and "I love you Harold, you're gonna be alright, love", his lips pressed against the soft skin below Harry's ear as he gently ran his fingers through Harry's hair. 

Harry, who was shaking like a leaf and barley able to breathe a minute ago, was slowly being relaxed by his boyfriend, until he was only shivering slightly, and his breathing was only slightly choppy. "I'm scared." He choked out in a sob, finally gathering the strength to wrap his arms tightly around Louis, holding him close to his chest. 

"I know baby, it's okay, I'm here and I'm not going to leave your side for a second." He whispered to Harry, stroking his hair and back simultaneously. 

"Umm, so Louis," the interviewer started, clearly quite pleased with herself for digging this gold mine of potential information up. 

"Oh, fuck off." He snapped at her, motioning to the other three boys who were looking a mix between concerned, scared, and very confused. He covered Harry's ears gently with his hands. "Someone get a car, we're going to the hospital. Now." The crew behind them slowly snapped out of their trance, and before Louis knew it a van had pulled up to the back entrance. 

"Lou?" Harry whimpered, reaching out for his boyfriend when he had leaned back. 

"I'm right here baby." Louis linked their hands together, standing up. "We need to get up now, can you do that? I'll be right here." Harry whined slightly, but with Louis' help, he stood shakily to his feet. 

He stumbled a bit, but Louis led him to the exit. 

"Louis." Their public appearance director stopped him with a hand on his shoulder. "There are paparazzi everywhere. You can't go out there with hi-"

"Oh, shove a cactus up your ass and fuck off." Louis snapped, shaking the mans hand off of his arm. "My boyfriend can't fucking see and is scared to death, and I really don't give a shit about public appearance right now. So kindly shut the fuck up." Despite his harsh words and cold stare towards the man, he was gentle with Harry, giving him a soft tug, guiding and encouraging him with a soothing voice. A few feet from the door, about ten guards came, forming a bit of a barrier around the two, and Lou came up and placed sunglasses gently on both of their heads. 

"The eyes are the windows to the soul. Don't give those vultures what they want." She said softly before stepping back. Louis pressed a kiss to Harry's lips, offered him encouraging words, and sucked in a breath before he stepped outside. Harry was clinging to his arm, and Louis could feel the fear pouring from his fingertips. The paps were going absolutely mad, but with the guards' help, Louis had a short pathway to the van. He got Harry to the door and tapped the back of his knee lightly, encouraging the younger boy to step into the sleek vehicle. He did, slipping and stumbling into the van, and Louis jumped in immediately after, never having let go of his hand. Two guards quickly joined them before the door was slammed shut, blocking out the noise and camera flashes. 

"Hospital. Now." He told the driver, and as they started, he pulled a crying Harry into his lap, holding him as close as he could. 

They used the same vans often, so some of their stuff got left behind. Louis spotted one of Harry's head scarves. Perfect. 

"Harry, love," he said quietly into Harry's ear. The boys snuffled slightly and hummed, clearly still terrified. "This is going to sound really weird, but remember when I fucked you with one of your head scarves as a blindfold?" Harry squirmed slightly, a tiny and confused smile gracing his face for a second. One of the guards sitting across from them coughed. "You remember how much you trusted me?" 

"I always trust you, Lou." Harry mumbled quietly, still clinging to Louis' shirt. 

"I know. I think you might be less scared if you were blindfolded, because then you'd know and understand why you couldn't see, you know?" The tall boy nodded, and Louis continued gently. "One of your scarves is in here, can I put it on?" He nodded again, and Louis smiled, carefully wrapping the soft, light blue scarf around his head, making sure his eyes were covered and his hair wasn't a mess before he tied it in the back. 

Harry visibly relaxed, the small smile returning to his face. "Lou," Harry gasped slightly, cuddling into his neck. "You're brilliant." 

Louis smiled and kissed his nose gently, glad he could help his boy, before he leaned up to the driver. "How much longer?"

"Three more minutes." He responded, pushing through traffic. 

Louis played with Harry's hands a bit, chatting about other things to keep his eyes off of the fact that he was blind for fucks sake. 'The headaches have got to have something to do with this.' He thought, beating himself up a little inside because fucking hell, he should have taken Harry to the doctor far sooner.

They pull in, and Louis decides fuck it, he's gonna carry him in. So, he tells Harry his plans, and crouches low at the door of the van, guiding Harry with one arm carefully to where he is, before Harry leans onto Louis' back and wraps his long legs around his waist. 

Louis stands, hitches him up a bit, and walks inside with the guards. 

"Excuse me, ma'am? I need a doctor." He says to the lady at the front desk of the emergency room. 

"What for?"

"My boyfriend can't see." He really doesn't give a fuck now. He's grateful that not even a sliver of recognition crossed over her face upon seeing them. She seems too old to have kids who would like their music, but too young to have grandkids. Thank fuck. 

"Uhm, dear, that's probably because there's a scarf covering his eyes." She speaks slowly, probably thinking they're pranking her. 

"No, no, that's to keep him calm. He's had awful headaches for months and they've been getting worse and today he was in the middle of a ... Conversation before all of the sudden he couldn't see anymore." Harry clutches him harder from behind and leans his head on Louis' shoulder, and Louis can feel the wetness of a tear leaking out from under the scarf and falling onto his neck. He gives Harry's thighs that he's holding a reassuring squeeze. 

"Well, take a seat, we'll have somebod-" 

"I'd rather not," Louis interrupts, leaning in slightly and quieting his voice. "We're a bit on the famous, celebrity side, and we would prefer if people didn't know we were here." He's grateful there aren't many people in the room yet, but as it gets later in the day their chances decrease. "We can pay you a fair amount of money if you won't say anything about us being here, and let us go in now."

It's then that she notices the guards standing behind Louis, and without flinching she responds with a nod and, "No need to pay me. I won't tell a soul, and you can head on through. I'm sorry for the hold up." She pushes a button on her desk and a nurse comes out from a door behind her and the lady at the desk talks to her, before the nurse nods and smiles and guides the two boys and the guards through the hospital. 

"It'll be okay." Louis reassures Harry, stroking his thighs with his thumbs. 

"I love you." Harry mumbled into his hair. 

"I love you too."

\---

Harry had just come back from his MRI and CT scan, and they were waiting for the results. Louis had put his scarf back over his eyes, and was now sitting between Harry's spread legs, his own legs wrapped loosely around Harry's waist. 

"I love how long your hair is getting." He cooed, playing with some of the loose, curly strands while simultaneously stroking Harry's cheek. He's found that with Harry's loss of sight, he craves more physical connection, replacing his sense of sight with his sense of touch. So, Louis constantly has his hands on Harry, and always tries to sit in a way that they can be touching in as many ways as possible. 

"Do you think I should get it cut?" He mumbles. 

"I think you should do whatever you like. Although I must say, the longer it gets the more I can braid it. I'm quite good at braiding actually; Lottie and Fizzy used to make me braid their hair all the time."

"I'm sure you're splendid at it." Harry muses, smiling softly. Louis has been trying to calm Harry's nerves by distracting him constantly, and it's working a bit, but Harry's still positively terrified. 

There's a knock on the door, causing Harry to tense, and without taking his hands off of Harry, Louis scoots him over a little and slides to sit next to him, pressing the side of his entire (short) leg along the side of Harry's. "Come in," he calls as he runs his hand down to hold Harry's left hand in his left, and rubbing his thigh gently with his right hand. 

"Hello, I'm Doctor Reed" the woman smiles, looking through the folder that she's set on the table at the foot of the bed. "So, I'll cut right to the chase as I'm sure you want to know what exactly is going on." Harry and Louis both nod vigorously. Louis really hopes its not horrible news as he squeezes Harry's hand tighter.

"Harry, you have what's called a Sphenoid Meningioma. It's basically a tumor that grows somewhere in the general area behind your eyes." She pauses, letting it sink in.

Louis honestly wants to collapse in on himself and sob for days because Harry has a fucking BRAIN TUMOR, but because of this job he's always been good at tucking away his emotions when he needs to, so he tries to suck in his tears, and turns his head as the choked sob he was about to make comes out of Harry's mouth instead. 

"I'm gonna die," he mumbles, sounding petrified as he begins to bawl, his body shaking with the force of his tears. "I - I can't leave you yet, Lou." He cries, and Louis' heart shatters. 

"Harry," the doctor speaks up quickly. "Harry love, hear me out." Harry lifts his head up to the general direction of her voice, the tears still soaking through the scarf and dripping down his face. "Brain tumors don't equal death, love. In this case, they just mean surgery." Harry sniffles at this, hand still tightly squeezing Louis'. "Now, this kind of tumor hopefully won't be too hard to remove, although if any blood sources to the brain are involved, it's going to be much more difficult, and possibly impossible."

Louis knew Harry wasn't paying too much attention, probably being entirely overwhelmed, so he wiped his tears before asking, "How will we know if a blood source is involved?" 

"We won't. Not until we get in there. The charts show that there is definitely a possibility, but we won't know for certain until we see it."

"When is his surgery?"

"We can schedule one tomorrow." She takes out her clipboard, clicking the pen. One day. They can do this, right?

"Will he gain his sight back?" 

"If we can remove at least the part of the tumor that's pushing against his optic nerves, then hopefully, unless damage has been caused. Mind, if there is involvement with a blood source we will most likely have to split it into two surgeries."

Louis nods solemnly, continuously rubbing Harry's thigh. 

"You should know, this tumor can cause side effects. Headaches and loss of sight, as Harry has experienced, as well as facial numbness, and potential loss of smell as well. Also, numbness of the arms and legs could be a possibility if a blood source is involved, but we don't know that for sure." 

Louis pays as close attention as he can while she tells him more information, mostly about cost, which modest better be covering considering they get most of the cash that the band earns. 

He gets quite a few brochures, a list of numbers to call in case of emergency, and she calls for a nurse to bring in a wheelchair for Harry. It has been offered and suggested that they stay at the hospital until the surgery, but since it's not required and he knows Harry absolutely hates hospitals, they agree to go home but come in two hours before the surgery is scheduled (3 pm on Thursday).

Louis helps Harry into his wheelchair, and Harry really has nothing to offer besides tears and a look of utter despair and grieving to him. 

The doctor leaves to give them some privacy while they collect themselves. Louis kneels down in front of the wheelchair, gently taking Harry's face into his hands. 

"Harry, love, it's going to be okay." He said softly. He leaned up to plant a kiss on Harry's lips, willing the boy and himself to pull all of their courage and bravery from every nook and cranny of their souls, and pour it into this procedure. 

Harry kisses him back, a kiss that says 'I'm so, so scared' and 'please don't leave my side'. 

Harry really is fucking terrified. He has a tumor. A fucking brain tumor! He was barely listening to whatever the doctor was saying, hoping to God that Louis remembered it all. The second he heard the word 'Brain Tumor' his mind scuttled away into a corner filled with worry and fear.

Before he knew it, Louis was wheeling him out of the hospital, seeming to only be concerned with making sure Harry was comfortable and okay. Which he clearly wasn't, but that was a different matter. Harry knew his boyfriend inside and out, and he knew Louis was capable of swallowing all of his emotions down in order to put other people first. But he didn't want Louis to do that. As much of a comfort it was having at least one of them able to think with a clear mind, he knew Louis' pent up emotions would eventually cause him to break, probably when he's alone, and Harry really didn't want that to happen. 

Louis helped Harry into the van while the guard put his wheelchair in the back. 

"Lou," he says softly, curling into him as the car started. 

"What is it baby?" He asked, pulling Harry's legs across his thighs and rubbing small circles into the soft skin of his hip. 

"Am I gonna be okay?" He asked, his voice timid. "I didn't really hear what she said."

"You're gonna be okay." Louis promised. If there was ever a promise he wanted to make and keep, it was this one. "You'll need surgery, and from that they'll be able to see whether or not a blood source is involved. If it's not, they can hopefully remove it successfully in one go. If it is, they'll have to strategize and then go in again to take the more involved bit out, which is much more difficult." 

Harry breathes heavily against him, clutching his fingers tighter into the front of Louis' jumper. "Will you be here?"

"I'm not going to leave your side for a second unless I absolutely have to. I love you Harry. I'm going to be here and go through this with you." 

"Thank you." Harry whispers, resting his head against Louis' chest. 

His phone buzzes beside him, and Louis looks down at his phone. 

Nialler (4:38): is harry okay???? What happened?? :( 

"Harry?" He asked softly, running his hand through Harry's hair. He hummed in response. "Is it okay if I tell the boys? Or do you want to? Or both of us?" 

"You do it." Harry mumbles. "I - I can't do it."

"That's okay, I'll take care of it baby." He places a kiss to his head then shoots a text to the three boys, asking them if they can all meet at one of their places so Louis can update them. 

\---

When they've finally made their way up to their floor, Louis makes quick work of getting Harry to the bathroom and then to bed. He helps Harry change into a t-shirt and boxer briefs before he tucks him in and gives him a kiss. Louis excuses himself and walks out when he hears a knock on the door.

In the car they had discussed getting an emergency button for Harry, for whenever Louis wasn't able to be with him. The guard had agreed to pick one up, so Louis was pleased when he opened the door and was handed the kit. "Thank you, really." He smiled. The guard gave a nod then set off down the hall. 

Louis hummed softly when he walked towards Harry's room, starting to form a habit of making more noise wherever he was going. He knew Harry found comfort in always knowing where he was, and he also didn't want to scare Harry by approaching him unannounced. 

"Hazza, we have mail!" He walked in to the bedroom where Harry was sitting up against the headboard, waiting expectantly. Louis emptied out the package, made sure all the batteries were high quality and in order, then looped the bracelet with a big red button on it around Harry's left wrist, kissing the soft skin beside it when he was done. He then clipped the small box with a speaker, almost like a pager, to the top of his jeans. Try it out for me, love." 

Harry stayed silent, moving his right arm to press the button. Immediately Louis hip began to vibrate, the small box lighting up and beeping frantically. 

"Good! Now, when are you planning on using this?" He quizzed Harry, trying to get him to speak. 

"When you aren't around and I need help." He said quietly. 

"Not only that, but if you need anything. Hell, buzz me even if you just want ice cream. I don't mind one bit. Alright love?" He asked, cupping Harry's face in his hands.

Harry nodded, before tilting his head down again and playing with his fingers. 

"Baby, do you want to talk about it?" He asks softly, gently smoothing out Harry's scarf. 

"I - I want you to." Harry says, his voice choppy. "You always hold your emotions in when other people need attention, but I don't want you to do that to yourself. You need to let it out, Lou. Don't just pretend everything will be alright for my sake." 

Louis doesn't know how to respond to that, so he just presses a gentle kiss to Harry's lips. "I'm sorry." He whispers, resting their foreheads together. "It hasn't really sunk in for me yet, and this is the only way I know how to cope with these things."

Harry sighs softly against his lips. "I know."

"I'm supposed to meet up with the boys right about now at Liam's, but will you be okay alone? I know you ate on the ride home, but do you think you'll need anything else?"

"I'll probably go to bed actually." 

"Okay. Don't forget to buzz me if you need anything. Anything Harry, I mean it." Harry nods. "I love you."

"I love you too, Lou." He pulls Louis into another soft kiss before letting him go, and he falls asleep only a few minutes after Louis left. 

\---

Louis crosses the street quickly, making it to the second building. The boys and the crew were split between two buildings, each boy getting their own floor, besides Harry and Louis of course, who had moved in together two years prior. They did a lot of recording and writing and interviewing in this area, so they decided they would just make the two buildings their home base. 

He made his way up to Liam's floor, where they had decided to meet up. He had barely raised his knuckles from the first knock when the door was torn open and Niall pulled him in. 

"Is he okay?" He asked, clearly concerned. Harry and Niall were quite close. 

"Let's go sit down." Louis said, a bit solemnly. 

The three boys gathered onto the couch, while Louis sat across from them. 

"He has a brain tumor." He said. Zayn's face fell into his hands as he murmured quietly, while Liam's eyes filled with sadness. Niall looked like he was going to cry. 

"Is he going to die?" The blonde boy choked out. 

"Hopefully not." Louis sighed, playing with the inseam of his jeans. "The tumor is in the front of his brain," where he got all his headaches. Fuck. Louis should have known. "Uhm, it's pressing against his optic nerve so that's what caused the blindness. He's going into surgery tomorrow at three, and they'll remove as much as they can, if not all of it. If it is only putting pressure on the nerve, he can hopefully regain his sight, but if it has damaged it somehow, he may not." His throat tightened, but he continued. 

"That procedure should be fairly easy, although there is a potential problem. The scans show that the tumor is very close to a blood source, and if it is involved with that, then they'll have to go in again for a second procedure. They won't know until they get in there and look. Hopefully it's not, because that procedure is incredibly difficult and in a lot of cases, impossible. So, if the blood source is involved, there's a good chance he could-" he chokes of there, not being able to say it. He could die. His Harry, the kindest person in the world, could die. 

He needs to leave. 

"I'm sorry," he gasps out before he's running back to his flat, tears threatening to spill. He's quiet when he gets in, checking on Harry who is, thank god, asleep. He then goes into the living room, the furthest room from where Harry lays. The second he sits down he absolutely shatters. 

'I should have known' he thinks as tears wrack his body. It hurts. It hurts so much. His chest feels like it is about to explode from the pain as he heaves and sobs. His Harry. Why God, why his Harry? And why didn't Louis catch it? He should've known. Fuck. The persistent headaches, he should've done something! Oh god. They could've caught this sooner if Louis had just taken him in sooner. What kind of an idiot is he, to think that his gentle kisses and ibuprofen could have fixed this? It's all Louis' fault. Oh fuck. He cries even harder now, curling himself into a ball on the floor as he cries uncontrollably. 

 

Now that Harry has lost a sense, his others have definitely heightened. Even though he is sleeping, the sound of Louis coming home seems to slowly drag him out of it. He snores softly when Louis checks in on him, the way he knows he does because once Louis recorded a fifteen minute video of him snoring and made him watch the whole thing. 

However, his fake snoring comes to a halt and his whole body tenses when he hears a heart wrenching sob coming from somewhere in the flat. Harry is up in a second, and nearly falls flat on his face. He rips off the scarf to see, and then - oh. Harry forgot that he was blind. Fuck. 

He shakes it off when Louis' sobs continue, and he's slowly making his way through the house. He knows most of it by heart, and only bumps into one table before he's made it closer to the crying. The sobs increase in volume, and Harry wonders if Louis saw him. Unsure, he continues his route, almost tripping over a chair. He seems to be a few feet in front of the boy before Harry carefully drops to his knees, feeling across the carpet for Louis. 

Louis jumps slightly when he hears someone drop to the floor in front of him, and when he looks up through his watery eyes and sees its Harry, scarf off and looking blindly around, searching desperately for Louis. 

"Harry," he sobs harder, reaching out to grab the boys' fumbling hands. The second Harry has contact he pulls the smaller boy into his chest, holding him tight as he continues to cry. "I'm so sorry," Louis sobs into his neck. "I failed you, this is all my fault!" 

"No, no, no, Louis!" Harry chokes, clutching Louis closer. "This isn't anyone's fault! How could you think that?"

"I should've brought you in when the headaches started," Louis sobs brokenly. "Then it would be smaller and there would be less risks and-" 

Harry cuts him off with a hard kiss, tasting Louis' salty tears on his lips. "No." He says firmly. "I should have brought myself in. This is no ones fault. If we keep living in the things we should have done, we'll never get through what is actually happening now. It's not anyone's fault baby." 

"I'm so sorry," Louis cries more, clutching onto Harry as if he was drowning, and he was the only thing that could keep him afloat. Which was true, really. 

They clung to each other for about ten more minutes, before Louis finally stopped crying and wiped his and Harry's tears away. 

"We should go to bed babe." He says, throat weak. 

Harry nods and let Louis help him up. They carefully make their way towards the bedroom, and Harry lays back into the bed. 

"Do you want the scarf back on?" Louis asks, smoothing out Harry's long hair. 

"Yes please." Is his quiet reply. 

Louis opens the drawer where Harry keeps them, pulling out a silky black one. Fuck. 

"This is the one we used when I first blindfolded you," he said as he walked back and began to tie it around Harry's head, thoughts of Harry in the scarf, handcuffed to the bed and falling apart beneath Louis clouding his thoughts slightly. 

Harry groaned softly, reaching up to kiss Louis. It's wetter, and full of need. "Please," he whispered, and in the years they've been together Louis knows this isn't only an invitation, but a plead. "And don't treat me like I'm fragile." Harry says, his cock beginning to fatten up under Louis' gentle touch. "Fuck me like you mean it." He whispers, sucking below Louis' ear and tangling his hands in his hair. That does it. 

Louis groans, lifting Harry's arms and pulling his shirt off for him, before sliding his boxer briefs down his sinfully long legs, before he's tugging Harry's ankles, pulling the younger boy down a few feet until he is laid down along the bed. Louis shucks his own clothes off and places the lube and condoms on the bed before he's straddling Harry. He runs his hands lightly up and down his sides before leaving feather-light trails down Harry's chest with his fingertips. 

He gently grabs Harry's wrists in his hand, and pulls them upward, pinning them above his head. "You look so beautiful Haz. Always do." He whispers, ghosting kisses all over Harry's chest. Harry moans, bucking his hips slightly, needing contact. Louis takes pity and strokes the younger boy a few times, before he decides to get to work. He throws Harry's legs over his shoulders and grabs the lube. 

Drizzling some onto his fingers, he brushed them gently against Harry's hole, before his index finger in, knowing Harry could easily take it. After a moment he added a second one, and finally a third. 

Harry groaned at the loss of contact, clenching around nothing when Louis slipped out his fingers. Then, he heard the familiar crinkle of foil and gasped in relief when Louis slowly pushed into him. When he finally bottomed out, Louis took his hands off of Harry's body, knowing how to use sensory play to its best. 

He fucked into Harry slowly, then quickly, his hands moving to pin Harry's wrists back above his head. When he ensured that Harry would keep them there, he began to gently bite and pinch in random spots across Harry's chest with no warnings, keeping the same, steady rhythm. Louis adjusted his angle slightly, earning a loud moan and shiver from Harry. 

Louis suddenly realizes that if things go wrong tomorrow, this could be the last time he makes love to Harry. His thrusts falter before he pushes those thoughts out of his mind, thrusting deep into Harry. 

He speeds up his pace, fucking into him faster and harder, hitting his prostate as well as he can each time. Harry's face is all scrunched up in pleasure, and when Louis tweaks one of his nipples, Harry comes across his chest. When he clenches down on Louis, the older boy is quick to follow. 

They lay there for a moment, catching their breath, before Louis carefully pulls out, tying and tossing the condom into the nearby trash can, and pulling himself up to Harry for a nice, sweaty kiss. 

"I love you." He says. 

"I love you too." Harry returns, a grin appearing on his face for the first time in what feels like ages. 

Louis cleans him up and changes the scarf to a less-sweaty soft navy blue one, before tucking him in. He goes for a wee then falls asleep laying on Harry's chest, clinging to him like a koala, as he does every night. 

\---

The next morning Louis wakes up first, pressing gentle kisses across his chest, traces the slopes of their wings with his lips, and giving a light kiss to each of their eyebrows because 'birds don't have eyebrows Harry' and because 'But we do, Louis'. He remembers Harry's grin like it was yesterday, and also remembers right after when he was fucking Harry into the mattress while running his hands all across his chest. 

"Harry, love," He murmurs slightly. Harry shifts beneath him, and freezes suddenly, before his hands are gripping Louis arms tight, fingers digging into his skin, pouring out the powerful feeling of absolute and utter terror. "Harry, baby, what's wrong?" 

He speaks slowly, as if his tongue is weighted down. "T-tingles" he says slowly as his hands move to his cheeks. 

Shit. "Okay, baby? It's okay. Don't be scared. The doctor said that facial numbness could be another symptom, and that's probably what it is." He glanced at the clock. "It's 10:38 now, so we'll leave for the hospital in about two hours. Okay?"

He leans up to kiss Harry, and even though Harry can't kiss him back, it's alright. "I love you." He tells him, sprinkling kisses across his face. Harry makes a noise in the back of his throat, and Louis knows he wants to say it back. "I know." Louis says quietly. "Always."

A knock on the door gets him up, but when he opens it he groans aloud. Niall, Liam, and Zayn push past him, going straight to Harry's room. 

"Boys," Louis calls, knowing Harry wouldn't want the boys to see him like this. 

"Hey Harry," Niall says, as Louis is entering the room. He climbs into bed with Harry, and Louis sees his entire body tense immediately. Liam and Zayn greet him as well, before piling on the bed with him. 

"So, how you holding up?" Liam asks. 

Harry manages to open his lips and slurs out a "G-good" but Louis can see it's a struggle. Harry's hand twitches by his side and Louis immediately steps forward and takes it. 

"Boys, could you... Wait in the kitchen for a second? Maybe make our Harry some breakfast?" They all pout and Niall is about to protest, but the look Louis sends them makes them nod, and slowly exit. 

"Hey love, it's just us now." Louis says quietly, giving Harry's hand a reassuring squeeze. 

"Can't" Harry tries to say, and Louis catches on. 

"Here, I'll ask you some questions, and you squeeze once for no, twice for yes. Got it?" Harry squeezes his hand twice. "Great. Do you want them to leave?" A hesitation and then one solid squeeze. "Do you want them in here with you?" Three squeezes. He'll take that as a maybe? "Do you want me to explain it first?" Two squeezes. "Alright. I'll be back in a bit, hopefully with breakfast too. You need to use the bathroom?" He gets two squeezes, so Louis helps him up, and a few minutes later he's back out in the kitchen with the boys. 

"What's wrong?" Niall asks, the second he closes the door. Louis motions them towards the stove where Liam, bless his soul, has started making French toast. 

"He's got another symptom, facial numbness. So, basically his face feels really tingly and it's hard to move his mouth and speak and stuff." 

"Oh." Niall says solemnly, looking down at his socked feet. "Is he," he looks up with damp eyes. "Is he gonna be alright?"

"I hope so. Hopefully he'll only need the one, fairly easy surgery, but he might need another, very high risk surgery. Which, he - he might not make it through that one. At this point, the doctor said he either has a 85% chance of survival, or a 15%, so we're hoping it's not the latter."

They all grow silent at that, the only noise being the sizzling from the stove. 

"Breakfast is ready." Liam says glumly, starting to plate the French toast. 

"Oi, not of that sad shit." Louis says, looking around at their frowning faces. "He'll be okay. You lot being miserable will only make him upset, got it?"

They nodded, plastering smiles on their faces and cheerily brought Harry his plate of food, as well as taking in their own. 

They stayed until 11:30, before Louis decided to kick them out, wanting to spend the next hour cuddling with Harry. 

\---

Three and a half hours later, Harry was being wheeled down the hall in his hospital gown. Louis had his scarf clutched in his hand, shaking slightly. 

They stopped right before the swinging doors that led to the operation rooms, and Louis knew this was as far as he could go. 

"I love you so much." He said, his voice wavering as tears threatened to spill. "Please be okay. I need you to stay by my side for the rest of my life. So, pull through, okay?"

He watched as Harry's unseeing eyes gazed aimlessly around, and Louis grabbed his hand tightly, never wanting to let go.

Harry's jaw strained and his mouth gaped but he slowly managed to say, "I... l - love... yo - you... Lou."

"I love you too, Hazza." He says, tears slipping down his face. 

\---

Louis paced back and forth through the waiting room. The three other boys were sitting across from him, all looking rather worried, but Louis surpassed them all. It was supposed to be a three hour surgery, but it had already been four and a half. Fucking hell. He knew he shouldn't be this worried, and that the survival rate for this surgery was fucking 85%, but he still was nervous as hell. 

Finally, thank fuck, a nurse he recognized approached him. He walked as quickly as he could to meet her. 

"Is he okay? Is he alive? Is it over?" He blurted out, hands still shaking and wrapped tightly around Harry's scarf. 

"He's alive, love," the nurse smiled. Louis exhaled a sigh of relief, but her next words scared the shit out of him. "Now, I have good news and bad news. The good news is, the tumor hadn't damaged the optic nerve, so he will most likely be able to see when he wakes up. The bad news..." She trailed off there, looking sorry for him. Oh fuck. "A blood source was involved."

Louis barely managed to stifle his whimper. 

"So, as soon as the head of neurology has a game plan as to how to remove it safely, he'll go back into surgery." 

A surgery that has a survival rate of 15%. Louis couldn't even process it before he was plopping down onto the floor, shaking his head as it hung between his knees. "No no no no no," he mumbled, his voice thick. His eyes prickled and Louis didn't want to cry, he really didn't, but Christ. Fifteen fucking percent. Fuck. 

A moment later and the three boys had tentatively joined him, placing comforting hands on his back as they helped him to his feet. 

"It'll all be okay, Lou. He'll be okay." Niall told him, tears streaming down his own cheeks as well. 

Louis couldn't help but wonder ... will he?


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shit happens

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiiiii I'm so sorry this took so long. And it probably sucks. I'll probably go through and edit it again, but I just wanted to post this sooner rather than later. 
> 
> Thank you so much for the comments!! I love every last one of you. The last chapter will hopefully be up soon.
> 
> Love you :)

Fifteen percent. 

God how Louis wished it was still fifteen percent. When he had finally stopped crying enough to make his way towards Harry's room, he started bawling all over again before he even made it to the door. The doctor spoke to Louis more about Harry's condition, and Louis tried to listen, to hold it all together, but when she told him the involvement with the source had dropped Harry's chance of survival to ten percent. Louis really couldn't be blamed for dashing to the bathroom right next door and puking in the sink. 

Ten percent. 

Louis was a fucking mess, what with tears streaking down his cheeks and his hair all fluffed up and awry from having his fingers running through it this entire morning. Christ, how he wished he could go back to this morning. Back when that dreaded number was five digits higher. Fuck. 

\---

It took another half hour for Louis to get his shit together, until he was able to put on a brave face and go to Harry's room. 

He almost started crying again when he saw his angelic boy laid out, his green eyes closed and pale lips parted slightly. There was a bandage wrapped around his head, a bit like a headband, and Louis' heart ached at the knowledge that under that bandage, Harry's beautiful brown curls were shorn away, a scar now resting in its place. 

He sat by Harry's bedside and contacted Harry's mum, sister, and stepdad. They had known about the first procedure, but since his chances were so good, Harry had refused to let them come. Although his mother balked at the thought of not being here, Harry truly didn't want them to take time out of their lives to visit him. He had compromised instead, telling them they could come down if he needed to go in for a second operation. They all knew if there was a second operation happening, chances of ever seeing his family again were incredibly low. 

Louis was busy staring at Harry's peaceful features when the younger boys eyelashes slowly began to flutter open. 

"Harry?" He cooed quietly, leaning closer. "Hazza, baby,"

Harry blearily opened his eyes and looked over at Louis. The second their eyes met, a massive grin took over both of their faces. 

"I can see!" Harry gasped quietly, his eyes watering. "Oh, Lou, I can see you!" 

Louis felt tears beginning to prick at his own eyes, but he just smiled down at his boy, leaning in for a gentle kiss. 

"So, did it go well?" Harry asked, the real question looming in his eyes. 

"You - you need the second surgery." Louis choked out, not being able to hold it in and bursting into tears, burying his head into Harry's chest. 

Harry was silent for a moment, before he ran his fingers through the smaller boys' hair. "I'll be okay baby. Don't worry about me." And honestly, Harry wasn't all too worried. He knew from the past years they'd spent together that the universe wanted them to meet. Harry liked to think of it as, when they had failed to meet before in the few times that they were both at the same place at the same time, as they had later come to realize, the universe decided to give them a hand. Harry and Louis were both guided to the X-Factor, and to that bathroom, and from there it was history. 

Harry knew that their love was strong, and rare, and he trusted that whatever force had brought them together would separate them when the time was ready. If it was now, then so be it. If it was sixty years from now, when they have grandchildren running around and are old and still happily together, so be it. 

They didn't say much, besides words promising their never ending love for each other, promises from Harry that he would be fine, and tears shed from both boys as they clung to each other. 

Eventually Harry dozed off, and with a kiss to his temple Louis gently snuck out of bed. He had business to attend to. 

\---

Louis made his way towards the meeting room where he had requested a meeting, although their publicity advisors had wanted to meet with him anyway, wanting to update him of what he already knew. They had posted on the fucking Facebook page (incredibly impersonal, Louis hates them) that Harry had a brain tumor, and said how sad it was and that they may be postponing the tour depending on how it went blah blah blah. Fuck them, honestly. 

The man in charge rose when Louis entered the room, extending a hand for him to shake. Louis did no such thing, sitting down instead and glancing back up when the others had taken their seats. 

"Harry is gay." Louis said suddenly, standing up again and beginning to pace back and forth. "Harry is gay, I am gay, and we are together. You know that, I know that, the boys know that, but the world doesn't. They don't know who Harry is, and they might never know. He could -" Louis choked slightly, but he pushed on. "He could fucking die, and he would die as a fake. He would die as a fraud. And who's fault is that? It's yours. So, here's what's going to happen. We're going to come out, and we're going to come out as a couple. Because we are. You have half an hour to scrape up a plan and if we don't agree, we're going to do it ourselves." Louis was firm, and confident, but Mr. Ass-face interrupted him. 

"Louis, I really don't think-"

"I don't give a flying fuck what you think. I think you want your job, yeah? We all know that our band brings in the majority of your income. So if you want to keep your fucking job, you're going to do this. You're going to do this or so help me god I will fire your ass so fast you won't even be able to say 'homophobe'. Cause I'm pretty sure that's what you fucking are. 

So, get to writing, or get the fuck out. And if you want to keep your job? I suggest you have it something along the lines of 'Louis, you and Harry can do whatever you want and we will have your backs the entire time'. Because that's how it should have been, from the start." 

The people in front of him cleared their throats, shifting around in their seats, heads bent down. 

"Is that clear?" He asked, tone of icy steel. 

"We'll get on that right away." The man said quietly, shuffling some papers. 

"Good. I'll be back in half an hour." Louis said with a nod, exiting briskly. 

Fuck yeah. 

\---

Harry woke up to see his mum hovering over him, seeming incredibly upset. 

"Oh, Harry." She gasped, gently leaning down to give him a hug.

"Hi mum." He croaked, nodding to robin behind her.

"I love you, so, so much." She sobbed slightly, choking out her words. 

"I love you too," he said gently, stroking her hair as she clung to his chest. "Is Gems here?"

"Of course I am, loser." Gemma said lightly as she stepped in from the doorway. 

Harry grinned and pulled her into a hug as well, now holding the two most important women in his life. 

"I really love you, so much Haz baby." His mother told him again, pressing a kiss to his cheek. 

"Mum, stop treating me like I'm dying." He said softly. 

"Oh, Harry." She said, her eyes sad. "You don't know the chances yet, do you," 

Harry knew his chances were lower than last time, but because of 'voodoo karma jinxy shit' Louis hadn't clarified.

"W-what are they?" He asked. 

"Ninety to ten." She whispered. 

"Oh mum, that's fine! Last time was ninety five and -"

"No, baby, ninety percent chance you won't .... Make it." At this she buries her head into her hands, sobs wracking through her. 

Harry stilled instantly, staring up at the ceiling. Christ.

He only had a one out of ten shot of ever seeing his family, and Louis again. A one out of ten shot of marrying the love of his life, of having kids and raising them, of sending them off to college, crying at their weddings, holding his grandchildren for the first time. 

Christ. 

Harry snapped out of his sadness, not wanting his possible last three hours to be filled with sadness and hopelessness. So, he but on a smile and began to reassure her, as well as the rest of his family, that it would be okay. God, he hoped it was true. 

\---

"So, Louis," the man said, a grim look on his face. "We'll let you come out." 

Louis couldn't help the grin that took over his face. "Yeah? What's the plan?" 

"We... We're going to let you do it yourselves, but we think a video will probably be the best."

"Thank you. Really." Louis stood and shook his hand. No matter how much he hated the guy, he was so thankful this would be happening. 

As soon as the proper forms were taken care of, Louis rushed back to the hospital. 

\---

"We can do it!" He cheered, breathless as he rushed into Harry's room. 

Harry looked up, smiling at Louis. "Do what?"

Louis waved hello to Harry's family, before grinning widely. "We can come out as a couple!"

Harry's smile dropped immediately as he froze, before he burst into tears. 

Louis' heart sunk and he rushed to Harry's side. "What's wrong, love, do you not want to? We don't have to. It's okay. I can-"

"Lou," Harry croaked, looking up with a watery smile. "I want this more than anything. Thank you so, so much." He hiccuped before pulling Louis in for a hug, kissing him deeply. 

"Oh, baby." Louis smiled, kissing away all his (happy) tears. "I love you."

"I love you too." He sighed, resting their foreheads together. "So, so much."

\--- 

After that, Louis let Harry spend a bit more time with his family, going off to find the other boys and tell them the news. 

They were all delighted for him, and after an hour or so Louis headed back up to see Harry. 

"Hey babe. Where'd your family go?" He asked, looking around. 

"We said our goodbyes," he said, smiling sadly. 'Your final goodbyes' a small voice in the back of his head told him. "I've got an hour and a half before the surgery, and they wanted me to spend it with you."

"I love you." Louis said softly, sliding into the bed besides Harry.

"I love you too." 

"So, for the coming out, I figured we could make a video?" Louis asked, bringing a wide grin to Harry's face. 

"My dying wish is to tell the world who I am. And I'm yours."

"D-don't say the d-word." Louis said, blinking sadly. 

"Okay, little munchkin." Harry smiled. 

"Don't call me that, you string bean." Louis smiled, kissing Harry all over his face, turning Harry into a pile of giggles and dimples. 

"The video!" Harry shrieked, pushing Louis away. "Let's do that."

So, they decided just to wing it. 

"Uh, hi guys," Harry smiled, waving when the camera started. Louis was off screen for now. "So, yeah. As you know, I have a brain tumor. And I don't really want to get into the details, but basically I'm going into my second surgery in an hour and... Well the chances of me surviving aren't very high. So... There's that. 

Now, don't fret, because I'll always be there, really. I'll still be on posters hanging on your walls, in the songs you sing along to, and in your hearts. But, if I don't make it, there's something I need to tell you first." He took a deep breath, glancing up at Louis. "I - I'm gay. I'm gay and I have been for a while and I wanted to tell you so badly, please don't be mad at me." Louis gave him a reassuring nod. "Uhm, so yeah. I'm gay and my uh, my boyfriend is gay. Yeah. I have a boyfriend, we've been together for a long time, and his name is," he pulled Louis into frame, squeezing his hand. "Louis!" 

"It's true." Louis smiled, sitting besides his boyfriend. "Larry is real, and going strong."

"Lou, do you think they'll want a kiss?" Harry smirked, turning to the older boy. 

"I know I do," he said with a smile, before pulling Harry in for a deep, passionate kiss. 

"It's a shame we may never be able to release a sex tape." Harry grinned when he pulled away. Louis laughed and bit his shoulder, earning a squeak from the younger lad. 

They had almost forgotten the camera was still on, but Harry cleared his throat, addressing the lens once more. 

"So yeah. That is all, thank you so much for your support. All the love, as always." He smiled, blowing a kiss to the camera before he turned it off. 

Louis squealed, taking the phone and logging into the official YouTube account. Harry and he shared one last kiss before they pressed the button together, spreading it to the world. 

They both quickly tweeted the link (with lots of heart and banana emojis on Harry's end) and turned to each other with massive grins on their faces. Harry shrieked suddenly, planting kisses all over Louis' face. 

For the next fifty minutes they cuddled and kissed, telling each other just how much they were in love. 

Their happy bubble was shot to hell the second the doctor walked in the door. 

"Alright Harry. It's time." He said grimly, a parade of nurses and other doctors following him in. Louis instinctively clung tighter to Harry, not wanting him to go. 

"Do you have to?" He whispered, tears quickly blurring his vision. 

"Louis, we need to get in there as quick as possible. That's why we're doing the surgery at 2 in the morning."

Louis forgot how late it was. Harry was an important person so he really hasn't given a shit if modest didn't want to meet him at ten at night. He had done it anyway. 

\--- 

Before Louis knew it he was giving Harry one last kiss, probably the last he'll ever get, and they were wheeling him off.

"I love you." He told Harry before the elevator doors closed. 

"I love you too, Lou. Always."

\---

Louis was a fucking wreck. They were three hours into the five hour surgery when he found it.

He had been reaching into his backpack for change cause he needed food and water and all his tears had been dehydrating him. His hands found an envelope, and when he pulled it out it was addressed to Louis. He opened it with a frown, eyes misting over as he began to read. 

'My lovely Lou,

Depending on how long it took you to find this, I'm probably either still in surgery or dead. Or both. I'm sorry. 

I know it's probably cliché to write a letter, but I wanted you to have a final something from me. 

My family left a bit ago, and I don't know where you are, so I figured I might as well. A lawyer came in earlier for me to write out my will, just in case. I gave you half my money, and even though you probably have plenty, I want you to keep whatever you need, or give some to charity. Or adopt a child or two. Or three. 

Speaking of which, if I don't make it, I want you to move on. I know it'll hurt and I'm so sorry I might have to put you through that, but I want you to be happy again. Find a nice guy, who treats you well. Don't settle for anything less than me :P .

I love you, Loubear. I love you now, and I'll love you always. I'm so, so lucky to have met my soulmate so early in life. I thank whatever gods there are that I met you so soon, because that just means more time for us to spend together. Unless it doesn't. Anyway. 

All I ever want is for you to be happy. Don't give up. 

I love you, little munchkin, forever and ever. 

Literally all of my love,   
Your string bean, Harry. xx'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry. 
> 
> Feedback would be great :)


	3. Chapter 3

• Three Weeks Post-Surgery •

Louis hated funerals. He really, really hated them. 

There was just a heavy feeling in the air, and the light drizzle and cloudy skies perfectly reflected the mood. He wasn't crying, of course, because he needed to stay strong for Harry. 

He looked around at all his boys, dressed in various blacks and dark grays. Liam, Niall, and Louis were wearing suits, as was Harry's wish, but Zayn had decided to just stick with black skinny jeans and one of his many dark shirts. 

"He died so young." Niall murmured,  
gently patting Louis on the back in condolence. 

Liam and Zayn were hovering over the hole in the ground, wondering what else there was to say. 

"Liam, any memories you would like to share?" Louis asked, glancing up briefly. 

"I remember the first time I saw him... I just knew their was something special about him."

He hears a choked sob coming from his left. Zayn looked like he was about to start laughing any second. 

"He was such a good fish." Harry mumbled, gripping on to Louis' hand. 

None of them had really wanted to make a big deal, but Harry insisted they give Fredric the Fish a proper burial. And anything Harry wanted, Louis was more than willing to give him. 

Niall began to (fake) cry to his right. He always had been a good actor. 

"It's alright love, he's in heaven now." Louis cooed to Harry, running his fingers along the black head scarf that hid his scar and the growing hair. 

It had been just under a month since his second surgery had gone successfully, and ever since then Louis had been undeniably whipped. So, he and all of the other boys hadn't hesitated when Harry demanded a proper burial for the fish Gemma had gotten him a few days into his recovery process. 

Harry clung to Louis when the dirt was shoveled over the small bag holding Fredric, and then it was over. 

He led his boyfriend back up the hill from the outskirts of a park they had found, and they headed back to their flats. 

"I hate funerals," Harry mumbled sadly as they got to their door. 

"I'm just glad it's not yours." Louis smiled softly, pressing a light kiss to the tip of Harry's nose. 

"I knew it never would be," the taller boy smiled reassuringly, entwining their fingers together. "I was scared, but I knew the universe wanted us together, and I knew that after what we'd been through that we would always be blessed with so much more. I .... I dreamed about our wedding and having kids and grandkids and I knew that we would get that. I knew that you were the one who was meant to stay by my side through that and for the rest of forever, Lou, and I knew that I would get to grow old with you. It's only fair."

They both had watery eyes then, and Louis folded Harry tightly in his arms and whispered, "I want forever with you Haz. And I hope I'm gonna get it."

Harry's lips brushed the older boys feathery hair. "You will."

\---

• About Four Months Post-Surgery •

Harry had a blindfold on, and was stumbling after Louis as he led him to his surprise. It was July now, and they were glad they had postponed all tour dates until next year so they could enjoy the summer together and alone. 

Louis grinned, looking around the bathroom he had previously set up. The ground was covered in vibrant red rose petals, and candles were flickering on the counter tops. 

"Lou," Harry asked when they had come to a stop. "Can I - can I look yet?" 

Louis took a shaky breath before nodding. "Yes, love. Take it off now."

Harry slipped the scarf from his eyes and looked around. 

"We - we're in a bathroom? This isn't our bathroom, Lou, where are we?" 

Louis grinned and took Harry's face gently in his hands. "Harry Edward Styles." He said shakily, encouraged by Harry's smile. "I met you in a bathroom, and you took my breath away. You also peed on me, but that's besides the point." They both giggled, and he continued. "From the second I first set my eyes on you, I knew you were amazing. I knew you would take on the world, which you did. I asked you to be my boyfriend in a bathroom. I had been pining after you for weeks, and I remember it took so many days and encouragements from Niall to ask you out, so when I finally got the guts to ask, I rushed to find you before I lost my little ounce of bravery. So, there you were, washing your hands, and I asked you. Which thank fuck you said yes." They both grinned, green and blue eyes watering with happy tears. "I told you I loved you in a bathroom. We were taking a shower together and the water flowed so beautifully over your skin, and your hair fell so adorably around your face and you looked like a puppy who had been dunked in water, and when I started to wash your hair it dawned on me that I wanted to wash your hair and take showers with you and be with you and love you for the rest of my life." He took a deep breath then, reaching shaking fingers into his back pocket and pulling out a velvet box as he sunk down to one knee. 

"Oh, Lou," Harry gasped, eyes watering. 

"And so, Harry Edward Styles, I am asking you to marry me in a bathroom. I want to spend my live by your side, and be yours forever. To have and to hold. For better or for worse. So," he looked up, with a watery smile. "Will you marry me?"

"Yes!" Harry gasped, pulling Lou in for a kiss. They were both crying as Louis leaned back and slipped the ring on Harry's finger, amongst all the others that decorated his hands. It was a silver metal band with small diamonds embedded all the way around. "Oh, Lou, it's beautiful." Harry pulled his boyfriend - correction - fiancé in for a tight hug. 

"And out there," Louis said, motioning to the door when they had finally pulled away after many kisses and tears and giggles, "is the house that I want us to buy and start our together forever lives in." 

So, Louis gave his fiancé a tour of the house that he had thought would be perfect, which they both loved and bought. That night, Louis made love to Harry, who came harder than he ever had when Louis grunted 'fiancé' with a final thrust.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's that !! I was considering adding another chapter but I think this will do :) comments are much appreciated, and I love you all. Thank you!!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading :) this is the first part, there's gonna be at least one, maybe two more parts. Kudos and comments are greatly appreciated, let me know how it was :)


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